The Most Expensive, Over-The-Top, Baller, Ridiculous Gift Guide Ever

The holiday season is nearly here, and that means eggnog, family time, your grandpa saying something offensive at the dinner table, and, no doubt, gifting. By now, things like a new flannel or a fairly useless alarm clock just don’t cut it anymore. It’s time to be creative, time to dream; it’s time to say, “Fuck the budget, give me the most ridiculous, insane, amazing things on the planet!” Don’t worry, we’ve got you. No-budget gift guide, let’s go!

Bugatti Chiron
I’m sure you think that ‘89 Nissan Maxima is pretty dope; and that Prius does an admirable job of getting you from point A to point B efficiently (43 MPG BRUH!). But why don't we leave the Ferraris to the middle tier fund managers this time around and spring for the real deal. The Chiron is the successor to the already insane Veyron and only takes it up a notch. With a preposterous 1500 hp and a top speed of 270 mph (0-60 in 2 seconds!) this thing is gonna make your beer run feel like a rollercoaster.
Price: $2,500,000

VIP Personal Tour of Wrigley Field
Coming in at just over 100 years old, Wrigley is the second oldest stadium in Major League Baseball and home to the beloved Chicago Cubs. With its ivy covered brick outfield, this landmark to the game is perhaps the finest day game environment in the country. Perfect for baseball nerds and history professors alike, this is a sports experience like no other. That the Cubs suck is irrelevant at this point.
Price: $3,000

The Linley Cocktail Box
When you need something more “bawse” than just an expensive-ass bottle of rare scotch, reach for the Linley Cocktail Box. This insanely gorgeous bar set is handcrafted with exceptional materials like hand-dyed charcoal veneers of ripple and sycamore and highlighted with details in mother of pearl. The interior is lined in bleached anigre and features a glass mirror etched with classic cocktail recipes for inspiration. Take that James Bond.
Price: $24,000

Balvenie 40 Scotch
Now that you’ve got a sick cocktail set you’ll probably be needing the aforementioned expensive-ass bottle of rare scotch. Look no further than Balvenie 40. With only 150 bottles produced, this insanely exceptional 40 year old scotch is like kissing God on the mouth. Pappy Van Winkle who?
Price: $5,300

EleMMent Palazzo Motorhome
Probably nicer than any house you’ve ever been in, The EleMMent Palazzo combines design features from the best of motorsports, aviation and yachting to create something that’s definitely baller-worthy. More of a land yacht than a motorhome, this thing is perfect for everything from touring with Motley Crue to the greatest road trip in the history of road trips. See you in Vegas, Wolfpack.
Price: $3,000,000

IWC Portugieser Yacht Club
Yeah, a Rolex is pretty sweet. Bond’s Omega? Also dope. But if you’re ready for something more elegant, something more refined, something that really identifies you as a man of style, this is the watch for you. IWC has been making some of the world’s finest watches since 1868 and are always sought after amongst the world’s elite. Maybe it’s high time you joined them.
Price: From $12,700

Ripsaw EV2 Luxury Super Tank
A man can’t live on Italian supercars alone, sometimes you just need a fucking tank as a weekend driver. Cool enough for Gs like Bruce Wayne, this extreme vehicle is one of the world's most sought after high performance, luxury vehicles. Originally designed and built for the military as a high speed super tank, its base platform, the "Ripsaw", proved to be the fastest dual-tracked vehicle ever developed. That means it’ll make Jack In The Box drive-thru a snap. Pricing varies depending on all the add-ons and special packages, but for our money, the murdered-out, Batman-style matte black is definitely a color option worth indulging in.
Price: From $275,000

Petra Island
Central Park Penthouse? Fine. 7-Star Hotels? Whatever. Luxury Air BnB? Bitch please. Owning a private island? Now we’re talking. Located a mere 50 miles north of New York City and only accessible by helicopter (obviously you have a helicopter) or boat, this magnificent 11-acre island situated on Lake Mahopac includes two houses designed by famed American architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Previously owned by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and with a price tag of “Upon Request” it doesn’t get more baller than this. As an added bonus, when you’re talking to that girl at the bar you can always casually drop a “Why don’t we get out of here and head back to MY ISLAND” to seal the deal. Worth it.
Price: Upon Request

Balloon Expedition Over Mt. Everest
Yeah, we saw the movie. But who wants to “hike”? Why not fly over that massive peak? With a proven veteran pilot at the helm, you and a small team of adventurers will ascend well beyond 30,000 feet in this once-in-a-lifetime experience. it’s not every day you can take in Everest and the Himalayas from the most spectacular 360-degree vantage point on the planet. Adventure you say? Beat this.
Price: $4,800,000

Bespoke Shoes From John Lobb
Yup those Top-Siders will get you through Saturday afternoon and even though they’re not helping your jumpshot, those LeBron’s are legit. But how about showing up at the office in a pair of custom-fitted and designed-from-scratch dress shoes from legendary cobbler John Lobb? Sure, they cost more than a used car but it’s a small price to pay to walk like a king (or King James). Who’s the man now, Office Shoe Guy? You are my friend, you are.
Price: From $7,600

Atocha Diving Adventure
We’ve all dreamt of an actual treasure hunt and now it’s time to make it a reality. No, we’re not talking about a cup of Keurig coffee in Nicolas Cage’s trailer on the set of National Treasure 3 (make it happen Hollywood!), we’re talking about an actual sunken treasure experience. Dive right in for the sunken treasure left behind from the most famous shipwreck in history, the 1622 vessel The Spanish Galleon Nuestra Senora de Atocha. The week-long Atocha Dive Adventure includes training in commercial treasure salvage techniques, behind-the-scenes tours of the Mel Fisher Maritime Museum and laboratories where Atocha artifacts are preserved, and two full days of diving the site alongside salvage experts seeking the galleon’s sterncastle, rumored to be hoarding over 400 million in lost gold. Sword fighting and rum drinking are at the discretion of the guests.
Price: From $2,500 for the week

Wegner Papa Bear Chair
If you’re looking for just the right Don Draper-inspired addition to your bachelor pad, look no further. Designed in 1950 by mid-century design gawd Hans J. Wegner and manufactured by AP Stolen, this iconic lounge chair is design perfection. Widely recognized as the epitome of mid-century comfort and style, this chair and ottoman combination are just as essential as they were 50 years ago. Original chairs are sold on various vintage networks from $5-15K and current reproductions are produced through the manufacturer Modernica.
Price: From $3,000

Sonoma County Vineyard
We all like wine (maybe your girlfriend LOVES ROSE) but why not make it legit and just go ahead and purchase the whole damn vineyard? Properties range in size and price but one thing is consistent, the life of a winery owner is pretty sweet. Endless wine, afternoon lunches on the terrace, incredible views, endless wine, and a relaxed pace of life. Sign us up.
Price: $5,000,000 to $20,000,000+

Handcrafted Custom Straight Razor from Shavesmith
The first and last straight razor you'll ever need. This elegant blade is made using the same processes from the late 1800’s when the blades went quickly from forge to grinder, all manufactured by hand. With a variety of custom materials to chose from and a variety of shapes and blades to choose from, if you can't make your mug look good with this thing, there's truly no hope.
Price: From $250