Birria While menudo is the gold standard for curing hangovers in LA, birria, a braised goat or beef dish from the gods, can hold its own in terms of cures. Cooked for hours till the meat damn near melts in your mouth, we're certain that this food was sent specifically to the City of Angels to rid you of that nasty feeling the morning after a night filled with shots and bad choices. As soon as you get up, crack open a coconut water and catch the first Uber to Boyle Heights, because you're likely still drunk AF. El Huarachito (literal translation: The Small Sandal) will get you right, but get there early. The birria is served only on Saturday and Sunday and most times runs out before noon. If BH is too far for your liking, any respectable corner Mexican spot will serve up some piping hot menudo as a solid backup.
Buddae Jjigae Los Angeles' Koreatown is on the come up when it comes to the culinary scene, and many a well-schooled drinking professional can attest to the magical reviving properties of a spicy bowl of Asian goodness. Take for instance, buddae jjigae. A bit of a bastardized dish created by both American and Korean troops back during the Korean War, this soup blends spam, hot dogs, ramen noodles, kimchi, and American cheese into a concoction that's military grade levels of powerful. The spice levels alone will have you sweating out any excess alcohol, and the serving sizes are enormous. For our money, the winner is Yangi Gamjatang. The portions even for two people are crazy, and they serve soju and beer on the side in case you need a little bit of the hair of the dog that bit you.
Lechon Asado Outside of a few shots of rocket fuel-grade cuban coffee, a slab of juicy pork goodness is exactly what you need to tame the evil spirits when in Miami. El Palacio De Los Jugos in Miami serves up some of the best lechon asado (roast pork) in the area, and that's saying a lot. Especially when going head to head with Little Havana. Lechon asado is everything you need to repair your liver in a savory pork dish with crispy bits of salty goodness. Only mild spices are used to roast the pork, and when paired with rice, beans, and some sweet fried plantains it'll provide the perfect buffer for another night of wilding out. Order a whole coconut on the side to rehydrate and you'll be as good as new. Well, until tomorrow morning that is.
The Hollywood Breakfast - Big Pink's is an institution and with a menu serving up over 200 items, half of them will probably do well to cure your day after situation. But if you're looking for ultra-rich food to drown out any remaining liquor in your gut, it's all about the Hollywood Breakfast (there's a Hollywood in Florida, FYI). A bed of polenta fries are laid out on a plate, then topped off with thick cut Applewood smoked bacon, saut̩ed, spinach, two poached eggs, a bit of basil, and a side of cheese sauce that's way better than Velveeta. End things with a breakfast parfait so you won't feel like an unhealthy dickhead, and find your way back to the crib/hotel for a well-deserved nap.
Scotch Egg - Head to Green Door Tavern for the greatest Scottish invention since_ well, ever. It's claim to fame actually originates from England, but that's neither here nor there. The best way we can describe a Scotch egg is a soft boiled egg wrapped in sausage meat, breaded, and then deep fried until you۪ve got something resembling a meatball that just finished the P90X dvd set. The best one in the Windy City goes to GDT, which also happens to be the oldest pub in Chicago. To counteract some of the richness of the egg, it's served with mustard and arugula but to go for the gusto, mix some hot sauce and ranch and go wild. If a few Scotch eggs aren't enough for you, try the fried Nutella sandwich to end the meal. Because obviously everything tastes better fried.
The Bacon Bomb - The Kaiser Tiger has something that will nuke the shit out of the nausea-inducing aftermath of boozing: the Bacon Bomb. It's a five-pound gut busting mix of spicy beef and pork sausage wrapped in a candied bacon weave then smoked for some added flavor and delivered with some fixins to DIY your own sandwich. So yeah, you're probably gonna need a beer. What else do you expect from a spot whose motto is, "Sausage, Bacon, and Beer"? If that۪s not the motto hanging over the door to heaven we have no idea what is.
New York City
Chopped Cheese - Forget pizza or a Papaya Dog, the real East Coast food king lies in New Yitty's cult classic sandwich called the chopped cheese. The birthplace of the chopped cheese is at Blue Sky Deli in East Harlem, but really, you can score them at any seedy-looking bodega so long as there's a deli counter and working stove. The grimier the location, the better the sammy, kind of like the Philly cheesesteak. The chopped cheese might be short on ingredients, but it's long on flavor and it soaks up all the devil juice like some kind of magic sponge. Now the real key to curing your hangover with this particular joint is making sure you end your night eating one.
Fried Chicken - One of life's great mysteries is why Crown Fried Chicken hasn't overtaken KFC or Popeyes in annual revenue. The batter is never soggy, and even when nuked as leftovers the skin stays crispy and salty, with just the right amount of kick from the black pepper in the rub. Real talk, you may not even need hot sauce to drizzle over the chicken. If chicken isn't your thing, the menu is massive. Salads, burgers, fried fish, and even gyros are all on deck for the picky eaters. The best part of Crown Fried Chicken? You can purchase a single rib. So clutch for the mix and match types, or members of the Broke Phi Broke fraternity.
Gumbo - As synonymous with New Orleans as Bourbon Street, and chock full of life-giving properties post bender, it۪s a must-have in NOLA. The thickness and spiciness of a life-giving gumbo can vary from place to place, but Atchafalaya is our top pick, striking a nice balance between spice and savoriness, with a metric shit ton of contents to scare away the prior night's hangover pains. The restaurant can serve up some alligator sausage on the side with your meal, if you're adventurous like that. And you should be.
BBQ Eggs Benedict/Corpse Reviver - You might have had enough of Eggs Benedict to last you a lifetime, but you've never had them at 12 Mile Limit. Pulled pork doubles up on the animal protein atop a flaky light biscuit and hollandaise mixed with a secret bbq concoction that isn't too sweet or sour. Substitutions are welcomed so if bbq sauce isn't your thing, there's a ton of other toppings and biscuit combos to work with. When you're done with your meal the mixologists on deck will craft you the real hangover cure, a gin-based Corpse Reviver cocktail so potent that it'll kill you once and bring you back to life twice. Ask one of the bartenders about the meaning behind the name of the pub and get a history lesson in Prohibition 101 while you're at it.