How Not To Be A Douche At A concert
Keep Your Phone In Your Pocket (Mostly)
Listen, I get it. You want some sort of physical evidence that you just saw your favorite band play your favorite song, and you were RIGHT THERE. I do it. But there’s a difference between snapping a few photos and shooting a snap or two and having your phone up the entire show. Try and limit yourself to one video per social media platform. Take a few pictures for your Instagram. Take a Snapchat. Just don’t be holding up your phone recording to Facebook Live the entire time while others around you struggle to say over your outreached arms. Also, what the fuck is the deal with these phone cases with bunny ears on top of them? I’ve seen this a couple times, that’s unnecessary, so keep your girl in check. It probably goes without saying at this point but if you’re one of those clowns that brings an iPad to a concert, you deserve a swift kick to the balls.
Personal Hygiene Bruh
It might seem simple but it’s critical. Many of the shows I go to are in small venues and people are packed in extremely close. Don’t be that person who forgot to put on deodorant before heading to the show. Presumably you’re a functioning member of society with decent hygeine, but nobody wants to watch a band play while smelling the equivalent of the Metro train after everyone gets off work, so pay it some mind.
No Bulldozers Allowed
Some hard truth, if you wanted to be up front for a show, you should have gotten there early like those that are already there. If you can’t handle waiting through a couple opening bands that you don’t like, then you don’t deserve to enjoy the spoils of being right on the rail at a show. Some people waited hours to get those spots and it’s unfair and douchey to push your way past them. There’s always an opportunity to get closer by being opportunistic and NOT being a clown. People leave and get drinks during a show all the time, squeeze into their spot when they take off. But don’t push into a place where there isn’t any room.
Be Cool With Close Quarters
If you hadn’t noticed, you’re at a packed show, and your personal space is going to be limited so be cool. If you’re at a show that’s standing room only, you’re gonna get bumped into. It happens, especially at a show where people are going to be dancing and moving. As long as somebody isn’t spilling their drink on you or being unecessarily rude,, keep your shit together. If you want personal space, go up in the balcony where there are seats, if that’s available. I’ve seen people rudely chastise others around them for bumping into them from time to time at a packed show and it harshes everyone’s vibe around them. If they’re having a good time and not being over the top, let them have their fun, or, you know, join in.
Don’t Be “Guy Who Yells Between Songs”
I get it, you love the band that’s playing the show. There’s nothing wrong with letting ‘em know. But don’t be the weirdo that yells shit like “I want to have your babies”, yells for particular songs, or even worse, heckles a band on stage that you don’t like. Nobody paid to come hear your critiques of a band or your idea of what songs should be played when, just keep those ones to yourself. Bands put a lot of time into thinking out their setlists for the evening. Yeah, we all want to hear our favorite song when we go to a show, but unless they’re asking for requests, all you can do is cross your fingers and hope for the best. Finally, if you’re a dude and you’re seeing a band with women in it, keep your misogynistic bullshit to yourself. Don’t make the band feel uncomfortable.
Make Friends, Within Reason
I meet lots of cool people at concerts. In fact, I prefer to meet people at shows rather than at a bar. You’re already at the advantage of knowing you have something in common, so it’s easy to break the ice. Chat them up between bands when they’re doing a change-over. I’ve made plenty of lifelong friends this way and it will help the time pass even quicker until your favorite band goes on. But, if the people around you aren’t warming up to your chatter, know when to pack it in. You’ve got a smartphone you can play around with, or move to a part of the crowd where the vibe is more open to communication. Shows are also a dope spot to meet cool ladies, but use some common sense. They’re there to see the band just like you, so keep that in mind as you’re dishing out your freshest opening lines.
Have Some Group Chill
This mostly applies to festival, but don’t be that group of ten-plus people that links arms and works their way through a crowd. This is similar to bulldozing and it’s just as shitty. Liek we said before, if you really want to get close to a show in a big group, get there early. Otherwise, break into smaller groups and work your way to the front that way. If you want to stick to your large squad, know that if you want any sort of room you gotta hang out more towards the back of the show or open spaces.
Bump and Grind With Caution
Sexy people, good vibes, and some great music, it’s a recipe for success, but that doesn’t mean you can just go around grinding without a care in the world. Unless you’re given a green light, keep your dick to yourself and away from the posteriors of those around you. Even if you might be vibing with someone, it doesn’t mean they’re interested in some dance-floor outercourse. If they want to be grinded on, let them make the first move before you commit to it, this isn’t the place for your sweet creeper moves.
Have Some Fun Will Ya
You’d think this goes without saying, right? I’m often shocked when I go to a concert and the people around me are acting like they’re in a library or taking everything around them so seriously. They stand there with their arms folded, like they’re not having a great time out. Move your feet a little bit. Smile. Chug a beer. You can still love the music and relax, it’s supposed to be fun.