How To Crush A Wedding: Advice From Mike & Dave Stangle

If you think weddings are about the bride and groom you clearly need to brush up on your rom-com game. The future Mr. and Mrs. serve the same purpose as their cake figurines — just stand there and look pretty- while the rest of us have a hell of a time. But for us regular folk, a wedding can be an opportunity to win at life, or fail. Weddings force the rest of us to look at ourselves in the mirror and ask “What’s my go-to dance move? What am I doing with my life? Flask or no flask?” (Editor’s note: Flask, obviously.) Potential minefield? Sure. But, it’s time you looked at a wedding like the big game, and you’re that handsome son-of-a-bitch with a cannon arm, Aaron Rodgers who’s ‘bout to take your team to the promised land, and a W. If only you had a wedding Yoda, someone (or two) to guide you. Thankfully we've got you covered.

Mike and Dave Stangle are the now-legendary wedding goers who became phenomenons after writing a literally-LOL’ing Craigslist ad looking for wedding dates. The story spread faster than Zika, they met Matt Lauer, wrote a book, and then contributed to the script for the movie Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates starring Zac Efron and Adam Devine which hits theatres nationwide this week. These guys didn’t crash a wedding, they crushed it. With their help, you can too.

What is your modus operandi when you get a wedding invitation?

Dave: For the longest time everyone was going to weddings all the time except for me, and I thought I was just unpopular or a bad/dangerous dancer. Now, those are true, I’ve broken a few noses sure, but that wasn’t why. It was because most of my friends, like myself, were just degenerates in our 20s and no one was in a rush to get married. Now that we’re (ok, they’re) a bit more refined, the wedding invitations are rolling in. After a brief cry, knowing I’ll be at the single’s table, my modus operandi is pure excitement in that for at least one day that month my pants won’t have an elastic waist.

Mike: For me, that invite goes directly on my fridge, right at eye level. That way, when I have people over, they think I’m an adult and have adult friends. It reinforces the idea that I’m likable enough to be invited somewhere, which is all I’m going for these days. Small victories.

If single and given the option, roll solo or bring a date?

Dave: I think it’s case-by-case. I’m headed to a wedding in the Caribbean in a few weeks solo and I wish I had a date coming with. Everyone’s going to be down there with someone, cup-caking in the water, prancing around on the beach, avoiding Zika virus as a TEAM... and I’m just going to be drinking rum out of a coconut, getting sunburnt, telling the bartender we should get an apartment together. Those are the ones where you want some company. Others, where it’s a big gathering with lots of friends, I prefer to be on my own so I can go with the flow and enjoy everyone’s company. And not be judged for over-eating.

Mike: For the record, I’ve offered several times to be Dave’s plus one to that Caribbean wedding. “Think about it” is all I’m saying! Bringing a date results in a different night than if you go stag. I prefer going solo. It’s much easier to get into more stuff that way. With a date, you’ve always got someone to hang out with and talk to, but you’re also obligated to be that for YOUR date. And that’s just a lot of time spent not getting into other potential wedding fun. Does that make sense? On the flip-side, a wild plus one can really up the ante at any wedding. Proof: Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

What makes a good wedding suit?

Mike: It’s all about the fit, and what level of fat I am at any given time. If my suit fits well and is mustard stain free, I’m happy.

Dave:I like to go a little aggressive and different, but not Craig Sager-aggressive. It should fit the environment too. I’ve wanted to go to a Texas wedding for so long so I can wear a bolo tie.

On that note, are you A) tie B) no tie C) bow tie D) bolo tie kind of guys?

Dave: Whoa, I swear I didn’t know you were going to ask about a bolo tie when I answered that last question. I rarely do no-tie unless it’s a super-casual thing, like a shotgun wedding. Otherwise you just come off as that uncle who refuses to dress up because he thinks “it’s stupid”.

Mike: Now I feel unoriginal expressing my enthusiasm for bolo ties. They are sweet though. I’ve always gone standard tie, loosening it ASAP to show I’m ready for anything. Also I’ve always wanted to go bow tie, even before people were going bow tie, but could never commit. I just don’t think I have the moxie.

What's the breakdown a typical bridesmaid crew look like?

Dave: Guys like to wish it was like Wedding Crashers, just tons of babes all looking for love, but that’s just so rarely the case. Usually all the bridesmaids are (rightfully) too distracted with the actual bride to pay attention to guys like us. They’re taking in the vows, feeling all the love in the air, and thinking “I want that,” then look at me and Mike and are like, “and I’m not getting it from those slobs.” Women are smart, man.

Mike: Yeah. The older sister, the way-too-involved maid of honor, the obligatory childhood friend, her current three best friends. Everyone looks really pretty and love is in the air, so usually you get the best versions of everyone. Except for the fucking MOH who’s taking everything way too seriously and keeps insisting bourbon iced coffees are not a breakfast drink.

Go for the divorcee aunt or the buddy's younger sister as a hook up target?

Dave: Divorcee aunt 10 out of 10 times. I have a hard enough time not coming off as a creep. I’m not sure the aunt strategy helps that, but it doesn’t hurt.

Mike: Younger, like how old? I already feel like a creep. But, I still want to know how old? Do you mean barely legal, like to drink? Because then everyone’s getting mad that the underage girl is drinking and it turns into a whole thing. PLUS then she’s super young and that’s not cool. Is Chris Hansen here?

Favorite wedding pick-up lines?

Dave: Oh god, I don’t even have regular pick up lines. I think you’re giving me too much credit. One thing I like, that is more like a gimmick than a pickup line, is extending my hand to a woman and asking “May I have this dance?” I say it SO cheesy. She’s typically like “is he serious? Or sweet? Or just a fucking DORK?” You decide. Usually I win. Usually.

Mike: I got nothing. Sometimes when I have too much to drink I think I’m giving a sexy look to someone, then they give me a weird look back and I realize I’m just staring at someone like a drunken animal. My “sexy look” turns out to be straight up staring without blinking for eight minutes non-stop. That isn’t sexy? Come on.

Wedding cocktail of choice?

Dave: Did you know if you drink the exact right amount of tequila and oda you actually go crazy? Not just drunk crazy, but like Jim Carrey in “The Mask” crazy. Ken Rantowich taught me that.

Mike: I’m so glad Dave said that! Tequila sodas are the best, especially for marathon events like weddings. Everybody knows tequila is an upper, but I feel like people don’t use it to their advantage enough. Stick with tequila sodas for the night and you’ll go the distance… probably. Also, champagne on ice. (The Montana Cooler. Thank you Bill Murray.) (Editor’s Note: I highly endorse the White Wine Spritzer, it’s like Gatorade but, you know, more fun.)

Any advice if you have to give a wedding speech?

Dave: Prepare well ahead of time, rehearse, and don’t forget to pay attention to the mother of the bride. I hate when people wing it. Unless you’re Bill Murray, you can’t wing it. Get it right and everyone will be talking about it. Oh, also get shit-faced first.

Mike: You’ve got to find that perfect balance between really, really buzzed and embarrassingly drunk and RIDE IT. Settling the nerves is the key. Nobody likes giving speeches, but if you’re giving one it’s probably about someone you like so it shouldn’t be that hard. Play to your strengths: I’m a sucker for a good coming-of-age story about the groom, but if you’re not good at telling stories, know that and keep it short.

How do you ease the pain of awkward dinner conversation?

Dave: I like to play this game where I ask people if they could have written ONE song in history, what song would it be and why? It gets people talking and reveals the way they think. When they ask me which song I’d choose I say “SHOUT!” because it’s played at every fucking wedding and gets everyone on the dance floor. Then, when it’s played later, everyone looks at me like “Hey, you fucking wrote this song man!!”

Mike: I like to play a quick game of “would you rather” to set the tone, separate the men from the boys. You might make some enemies but at least you’ll know who to avoid all night.

Go-to wedding song that gets you on the dance floor?

Dave: “Shout,” but I’m partial because I wrote it back in 1959.

Mike: “Ballroom Blitz.” I’ve been a sucker for that song ever since Cassandra covered it in Wayne’s World. She wails.

Is it easier or harder to score wedding dates now that you’re published authors and have a semi-autobiographical movie coming out with Zac Efron and Adam Devine playing you?

Dave:: Uh semi-autobiographical? Zac and I have basically lived parallel lives. This is the biopic of the year! Best since “Steve Jobs.” Who do you think turned Zac onto juice cleansing? Now the guy can’t even start his day without his apple-cucumber-celery-lemon-kale-swiss-chard fix in the mornings. Sadly, and for reasons I cannot understand, women are disappointed when they’re expecting a Zac-like date and get Dave. Total mindblower but I’m working on it.

Mike: Nobody’s giving Devine enough credit for the shape he got into for the movie. He had to go toe-to-toe shirtless with Efron! He trimmed down so I never had to and now I’ll always be remembered as tiny and in shape. What was the question?

For the story behind the movie, check out Mike and Dave’s masterpiece Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates: And A Thousand Cocktails and see the movie, in theatres this weekend.