The Official Unhemmed Oscars Drinking Game
Set-Up:
1. Find family members or friends amenable to getting a little drunk while watching the awards.
2. Agree upon which of the following rules you’re all playing by. Feel free to focus on just one or play all twelve.
3. Pour drinks for everyone playing.
Rules:
1. Best Pic-or Liquor: Every player starts by picking one of the best picture nominees. Whenever that nominated film wins any award, all other players who did not pick that movie have to take a sip of their drink.
2. Cock-to-Cauc Ratio (Cocktails for Caucasian Jokes): There was a lot of mention of #OscarsSoWhite on Twitter after all twenty acting nominations were announced and there were no people of color among them. Chris Rock, the host, refused to boycott (though Will Smith and Spike Lee did), but he promised he’d make fun of these lily-white awards. For each time a joke is made about how white the Oscars are, every player must take a sip. No matter if the joke comes from host Chris Rock, any of the presenters, any of the winners, and, if you’re watching the red carpet as well, anyone on the walk up to the awards.
3. Leonardo DownYourDrinkio: If Leonardo DiCaprio does not win Best Actor this year, every player has to say a cheers to their favorite no-win celebrity and down the entirety of their drink immediately. (But don’t feel too bad for him, he still gets to sleep with every hot model you’ve ever fantasized about.)
4. Verbose Toast: It never fails that some winners get a little flustered, go on for too long, and have to get played off by the music. If any winner starts getting played off by the orchestra, every player must start drinking their drink the moment the orchestra starts and not stop drinking until the winner has finished their speech. (Hopefully they get the hint and it won’t be too long of a sip, but sometimes these celebrities take a while...)
5. Libations to the Lord: It’s not as popular as it used to be, but still an awards night never goes by without at least a handful of winners thanking God for their win. Because of the absurdity of thinking that a divine being would waste his or her time caring about which celebrity wins a silly award, we think this warrants each player pouring out a little liquor for the Lord, but they must pour it out in their mouths obviously. Make sure to thank God yourself before taking your sip or you have to take two sips.
6. Streep Sip: The moment the camera cuts to Meryl Streep, the first player who shouts “Meryl sip,” gets to choose one other player to take a sip of their drink. (Feel free to make it someone else if Meryl doesn’t suit your fancy...)
7. Standing Ovation / Sitting Intoxication: A standing ovation from the audience for any winner or performer forces every player to stand up and also give a standing ovation. The last player to get off their ass and cheer must take three sips of their drink.
8. Share Bear: Yeah, yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio you had a good year, but the breakout star of 2015 was clearly the bear from The Revenant. Any mention of the bear means every player must take a sip of the drink of the player sitting next to them.
9. Spirits for the Spirits: During the “In Memoriam” section, where they show all the Academy members and industry folk who have passed away in the last year, if anyone at your viewing party says, “I didn’t know so-and-so died,” or something similar, the person closest to that person has to take a sip of their drink.
10. Ethanol Eth-Amal: Anytime Amal Clooney (George Clooney’s wife, for those of you pop culture heathens not in the know) is shown on the broadcast, every player must take two sips of their drink.
11. Stumble Swig: If any celebrity trips on their way down the red carpet or on their way up the stairs to get their award, every player must take a big swig of their drink. If the person who stumbles is Jennifer Lawrence, then every player must take two big swigs.
12. Badder Bladder: If a player is in the bathroom during any sip they should have to take, they have to finish their entire drink as penance.
13. Wine-stein: If the Weinsteins are mentioned, every player must pour a bit of wine into their drink (no matter if they’re drinking a cocktail or a beer, wine now must be added...sorry...)
14. In Memory of Adele Dazeem: We all remember the Adele Dazeem moment, right? When John Travolta mispronounced Idina Menzel’s name in an absurdly comical way. If anyone’s name is mispronounced, a player can shout Adele Dazeem and every other player will be forced to take a sip of their drink.
15. Bleeping Booze: Anytime anyone is bleeped out by the censors (and with Chris Rock hosting, we imagine this may happen more than a few times), all players must shout a cuss word and then take a sip of their drink. The players then vote for the person with the lamest cuss word, and the person voted with the least offensive cuss word then has to take a second sip.
16. The Firewater Awakens: Any reference to Star Wars: The Force Awakens (or any movie in the Star Wars franchise), every player must take a sip of their drink.
17. Unexpected Alcohol: If a winner says something like “I wasn’t expecting this” or “This is a surprise” or “I didn’t prepare a speech,” every player takes a shot of alcohol with their eyes closed that isn’t the same type of alcohol as whatever they are drinking. (Make it as unexpected a surprise as the unexpected surprise of whoever won.)
18. Potable Politics: It’s election season, so there’s no guarantees that a winner won’t make a political statement. If anyone says anything that is definitely political in their speech, every player who agrees with their political statement has to take one sip, and every player who disagrees with their political statement has to take two sips. And if you refuse to say whether you agree or disagree with their political statement, then you must take three sips for being shady and secretive about your political views.