Team Can't Kick? Randy Moss Is Here To Help
Patriots kicker Stephen Gostkowski is missing extra points. The Bucs traded up into the second round to draft a dude that is kicking at 60% so far. We had an NFL game end in a tie just like the other kind of futbol because two kickers couldn't make chip-shot field goals in overtime to win the game. Pathetic. Some of you might be sitting there going, "That's harder than it looks!" Yeah maybe, but don’t worry, Hall of Famer Randy Moss is here to shut you down. Check out him out hamming home 30 yard field goals in dress shoes on NFL Monday Night Countdown. Straight cash homie.
Get Aaron Lynch In The Concussion Protocol Immediately
The Niners linebacker said, "We possibly have one of the best teams in the league, easily." Uh huh, right. This after the Niners fell to 1-6 following an embarrassing 34-17 shellacking at the hands of the mediocre Bucs, after blowing a 14-0 lead and allowing 154 rushing yards to journeyman Jacquizz Rodgers (dude is 5'6" and maybe 140 pounds soaking wet). Lynch should have to pass a concussion test to see the field next week after statements like that. Niners fans must feel like that friend of yours that dumped a girl too good for him (Jim Harbaugh) only to jump to a never-ending run of trashy chicks. Ratchet girlfriends don’t last forever, but herpes does.
Yup, It's Official, Hell Has Frozen Over
Jay Ajayi ran for 200 yards AGAIN for the Dolphins, who have won two straight. The RAIDERS are in first place. The Lions have won three in a row. Aaron Rodgers is ranked 29th in yards-per-attempt among starting QBs -- and this is coming off one of his better games of the year. An NFL game featuring Carson Palmer vs. Russell Wilson ended in a 6-6 tie. What the F is going on? The real story of the NFL season so far could be how utterly uncompelling it has been. Outside of a pissed off Tom Brady, of course.
Rob Gronkowski, Last Comic Standing
Everyone’s favorite NFL Bro caught his record-setting 68th TD in a win over the Steelers this weekend, but that wasn’t the story. So yeah, Gronk is very aware of the implications and we saw this one coming a mile away. "One more and I get 69 touchdowns, if you know what I mean." Gronk said, before laughing like an idiot. Yeah bud, unfortunately we do. (Editor’s Note: 69 jokes are still and always funny.)
Osweiler Hits Brock Bottom
Brock Osweiler signed a $72 million contract with the Texans, spurning John Elway and his old Broncos team in doing so. Osweiler faced off against his former team on Monday night, and yeah, it didn’t go so well. As you can imagine Denver’s D bitchslapped the Texans O as Osweiler's 3.2 pass yards per attempt was the third worst in a game by a QB attempting 40 or more passes in the Super Bowl era. Yeah, Denver’s D is plenty savage, but this is the 7th straight week Osweiler has sucked. Maybe he’s just tired from counting all those undeserved racks and answering so many questions about what it's like to look exactly like Robert Pattinson from Twilight?