The Official Turkey Day Drinking Game

Thanksgiving dinner is as famous for uncomfortable conversations and offensive comments as it is for turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. Face it: even if you love your family, there’s likely a little bit of you that dreads Turkey Day. Well, we have the perfect plan to turn your awkward holiday dinner into an evening of pure inebriated entertainment. Make this Thanksgiving a Drinksgiving with our special Official Unhemmed Turkey Day Drinking Game.

The Set-Up:
1. Find family members or friends amenable to getting a little drunk on Thanksgiving, but make sure not to get the whole gathering involved because it’s always more fun if while playing you’re also trying to keep up appearances and not let anyone know what you’re playing or how wasted you’re getting.

2. Pour drinks for everyone playing.

The Rules:
1. Touchdowning Your Drink: Part of Thanksgiving is watching football, or at least having it on in the background. Before the game gets turned on, each player must pick a team regardless of whether they care about sports or not. Whenever the other team scores, the player has to take a sip of their drink.

2. Liquor Quicker: Is it really slow but steady that wins the race? While waiting for dinner, the player to finish their drink first gets to pick another player who has to down the rest of their drink.

3. Goodness Grace-ous: Even families that don’t usually say grace before dinner often say grace before Thanksgiving dinner, so be ready. The player seated closest to the person saying grace has to take two sips of their drink. If, by chance, the person who says grace is playing the game, then it is every other player who must take two sips of their drinks.

4. America’s Moist Wanted: Turkey is a meat that can easily get too dry if it’s not cooked properly. A nice guest won’t make a big deal out of it, but some will complain. Anytime anyone refers to the turkey as “dry” or “moist,” every player must take a sip.

5. I Think I Cran: Does anyone actually like that canned cranberry sauce? Any player that is not brave enough to eat at least three bites of the canned cranberry sauce, must take three sips of their drink.

6. Gobble That Drink: Why do people say “Gobble Gobble”? Who the hell would say “Gobble Gobble”? And yet, for some reason, someone always does. Anytime someone says “Gobble Gobble,” the player closest to the person who says it gets to pick one of the other players who then must gobble down their entire drink.

7. Potable Potty: Be mindful of your bathroom breaks. Anytime a player misses a sip they should have had to take because they were in the restroom, they have to double that sip when they get back.

8. Shots Fired: Sometimes there’s an insult thrown from one family member to another during the day’s festivities. If the insulted family member is a player, the other players must each take a sip to show their solidarity with the aggrieved party.

9. Booze-ghazi: What’s the one thing you’re not supposed to talk about at Thanksgiving? Politics. And yet, for some reason, someone always does. Whether it’s your hippie cousin explaining why you just have to vote for Bernie Sanders or your crazy uncle raving about how Donald Trump is going to make America great again, anytime a presidential candidate’s name gets brought up, the player closest to the person name-checking a candidate has to take a sip of their drink. If the person who says the name of a presidential candidate is a player themselves, then they must chug their entire drink.

10. Offensive Defensive: We all have them: the guests at Thanksgiving bound to give more than thanks at the holiday gathering. Whether a racist uncle, a homophobic in-law, or the family friend who won’t stop talking making that offensive joke that’s not even funny, there’s always someone at every Thanksgiving dinner who says something offensive. When this happens, all players must take three sips of their drink.

By now you may or may not be standing. But that's the whole point, you survived Thanksgiving. The Friday after? Maybe not so much.