The Unhemmed Yuletide Drinking Game

Our Official Unhemmed Turkey Day Drinking Game was an unqualified success. We know because we woke up with a hangover and no memories of Thanksgiving after dinner. Turning America’s day of gratitude into a day to turn up was so much fun, so we decided to repeat it for that other classic family holiday: Christmas. If getting a little drunk is what you think of as the true “reason for the season,” then you can’t go wrong with the Official Unhemmed Yuletide Drinking Game.

 

Editor's Note: We at Unhemmed assume no liability for post-game consequences.

The Set Up:
1. Find family members or friends amenable to a little extra Christmas cheer, but make sure not to get the whole gathering involved. It’s always more fun if while playing you’re also trying to keep up appearances and not let anyone know what you’re playing (or to what degree you’re hitting the sauce).
2. Agree upon which of the following rules you’re all playing by. Feel free to focus on just one or play all sixteen.
3. Pour drinks for everyone playing.

The Rules:
1. The Spirit Of Christmas Past: The Ghost of Christmas Past haunts us all. There are moments at a gathering at this time of year when people bring up things done on previous Christmases. Any time a player gets mentioned in a story about a Christmas past told by any non-player, the player mentioned must take a sip of their drink.

2. The Spirit of Christmas Present: The ghost of Christmas Present is here as well--in the form of actual presents. Everyone’s favorite part of Christmas, whether they’ll admit it or not, is getting gifts. For each gift received, a player must take a sip of their drink.

3. The Spirit of Christmas Future: The Ghost of Christmas Future haunts too. Around the end of the year, people tend to make pronouncements for their future. Any mention of anyone’s New Year’s resolutions causes every player has to take a sip of their drink.

4. A Mistletoast: Tradition states that anyone standing under a mistletoe can be targeted for unwanted kissing. That seems a little rapey by 21st century standards. So instead, anyone caught under a mistletoe this year has to give a toast to the player who caught them under the mistletoe and subsequently chug their entire drink.

5. Goodness Grace-ous: Because saying grace as popular at Christmas as it is at Thanksgiving, this rule carries over from our previous game. The player seated closest to the person saying grace has to take two sips of their drink. If, by chance, the person who says grace is playing the game, then it is every other player who must take two sips of their drinks.

6. Bah Humchug: Anyone caught being a Grinch on Christmas, deserves some punishment. If any player is caught whining, complaining, visibly frowning, or otherwise being a Christmas party pooper, they have to chug their entire drink.

7. Santa’s Little Liquor: No player is allowed to use the name Santa (or Santa Claus) all day. Instead, all players must refer to the rotund patriarch of Xmas lore by his other names (Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, Papa Noel, Saint Nick, etc.) or not at all. Any player caught saying “Santa,” must take two sips of their drink.

8. Frosty the Snowbrew: If any player drinks so slow that their frosty brew gets warm and someone calls them out on the temperature of their drink, the player must go outside and put some actual snow in their drink and then chug the rest of it.

9. Shots Fired: As with Thanksgiving, sometimes there’s an insult thrown from one family member to another during the Christmas festivities. If the insulted family member is a player, the other players must each take a sip to show their solidarity with the aggrieved party.

10. A-wasted in the Manger: If a player takes the Baby Jesus from a nativity scene and succeeds at plopping him in another player’s drink, the player must chug his entire drink. Also, the successful Jesus-dunker gets to choose a shot that all players must take.

11. Noel + Ethanol = Ethanoel: Noel is a weird word. So are Yule and Yuletide. If any non-player uses any of these words, all players must take two sips of their drink. That’ll show ‘em.

12. Booze-ghazi: What’s the one thing you’re not supposed to talk about at Christmas? Same as Thanksgiving: Politics. And yet, for some reason, someone always does. Whether it’s your hippie cousin explaining why you just have to vote for Bernie Sanders or your crazy uncle raving about how Donald Trump is going to make America great again, anytime a presidential candidate’s name gets brought up, the player closest to the person name-checking a candidate has to take a sip of their drink. If the person who says the name of a presidential candidate is a player themselves, then they must chug their entire drink.

13. Offensive Defensive: If you have a family holiday, you’re bound to have an offensive comment, so this rule also holds over from our Thanksgiving game. Whether a racist uncle, a homophobic in-law or the family friend who won’t stop talking making that offensive joke that’s not even funny, there’s always someone at every holiday dinner who says something offensive. When this happens, all players must take three sips of their drink.